“No contact” struggles

So, if you read my previous post… I was clearly emotional… But for those of you haven’t read it, long story short: My ex got a girl pregnant then married her, and yes, in that order. My friends have not been that present these days, but it is what it is. I have realized people are selfish as they get older, and that’s fine because the world is a cold place. I am grateful for my parents who have kept me warm all these years and have helped preserve my heart and sanity… Oh, wait, I do have this one friend from college-med school  though.. She is my heart. I don’t know what I would do without her instant replies to my texts and her firm faith and belief in my recovery over these last 8 years. I wish I could tell you her name because she is going to be one bomb-ass doctor one day…

ANYWAYS. I transgress. Let’s get to the root of the topic at hand. “No contact”. So to those who don’t know what that phrase means, “no-contact”, it’s basically the act of not having any contact with someone— that goes from texts, phone calls, Facebook, Instagram– any social media basically–and avoidance in person of course if they are nearby. So far, I have been successful in no contact for 3 days from ex. It’s always so hard when you still feel so connected to someone but they have betrayed you emotionally and physically. But, I choose myself first, and I know this is the best decision I can make for me right now.

Why “No Contact” (NC)? It’s a win-win. NC allows you to have space from your partner, or the person you need space from and allows you to re-evaluate your relationship from a healthy space and clear head. It even allows the possibility of healing a damaged space and possibly creating a new space with you and your partner. But let’s say the space is so long that you may move on, or the other person moves on, and the hopes of getting back together are no more, you still are going to a better place. Because ultimately, if you lose the person at the end, you find yourself!

To those of you who are struggling doing NC with a loved one, I praise you for your efforts, and want you to know that I am sincerely so proud of you. Keep it up- I know that EVERY second and minute apart is so hard it’ll be worth it in the long run. 🙂

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My Ex Got Married

So, yeah. The title is pretty self-explanatory. But let’s start off with painting the picture of my ex. Usually people are like– okay, should I give this story any value? Like is this an ex that was just a fling, or was it like something serious. Unfortunately, it was something serious. Like, serious: I-had-his-kid-and-he-wanted-to-marry me-but-then-I-lost-the-baby-serious. Like, serious: I-was-with him-when-his-mom-died-from-a-guy-who-was-having-seizures-while-driving-and-then-killed-her-in-a-parking-lot-serious. I met my ex in high school. It’s all karma really, because I cheated on my high school boyfriend at the time with him. And then in college, he cheated on his then college gf with me. And then I graduated college and we attempted to be a faithful and monogamous couple for 4-5 years. I don’t know if you’re doing the math, but basically we had been “fucking around” with each other for the last 11 years.  In conclusion: this story is of value…. I mean, my ex was essentially the love of my adolescent life… He is/was my best friend. And you know what that means. I mean the phrase “love of my life” is mostly used when you’re in your late 20’s anyways, so right now I feel like he was the love of my life.

And he is now married.

To someone else.

And, this someone else is having his baby in less than 4 months.

My heart is broken. I don’t know if I can trust again or love again. Everything seems very unclear at this point. I always hoped that after this med school fiasco I chased after was over, we would reunite, and baby makes 3, and everything would be perfect. Ha. Fate always has a way to show you that you can’t get everything you want. And life is so far from perfect.

 

 

 

My first post

Thursday, November 29, 2018

Hi. Let me start by introducing myself. I am 27 years old. I am a 4th year medical student.  I love sex just as much as the next nymphomaniac. And I love human beings just as much as I hate them.

I have 2 homes: one, where my Family lives in Texas, and the other in New York where I am doing my rotations. Before that I was in Dominica– an island that provided my first 2 years of med school classes. So you can say, I have had many homes in the past 4 years. I have been through many experiences that are so unique/un-relatable that it has come to a point where I can’t even confide in a friend and feel comforted that they have been through a similar experience anymore. Oh, you know, when your dog dies and you call your bestie, Amy, whose dog died too and then you talk about it with Amy and feel better. Yeah, I can’t do that anymore… I have experiences that out-scope my friends’ imagination even. So I decided it’s time I pour my life’s experiences on this anonymous website. God knows who will be reading this, but I hear it helps clear your head to write it all out to strangers when you have no friends/family to pour your heart out to in your real life.

I never blog and I have just about a billion thoughts racing through my brain every millisecond. So here it goes. Wish me luck, and in some weird way, if you are a human-being (that accepts they are a human-being) that is reading this, I hope these posts comfort you in some way… I know it always comforts me when I know that there are crazier people out there than myself.